This snippet is from one of our previous episodes: FBI Hostage Negotiation Masterclass on Why You Should Never Split the Difference.

(And yes… TPC Gold bonus episodes have officially evolved into Throwback Tuesdays! Same timeless property insights, just with a fresh new name.)

In this Throwback Tuesday episode, former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss explains how silence creates uncertainty… and uncertainty creates anxiety.

And while the lesson comes from high-stakes international kidnappings, it applies surprisingly well to property, business, and everyday negotiations.

Chris learned this firsthand while supporting families through incredibly stressful situations — where they weren’t just desperate for outcomes, they were desperate for reassurance that someone understood what they were facing and would keep them informed along the way.

As Chris explains, even hearing “there’s no update yet” can be far more reassuring than hearing nothing at all.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why predictability instantly lowers stress and anxiety
  • How silence can damage trust during negotiations
  • The psychology behind uncertainty… and why “not knowing” often feels worse than bad news
  • Why great negotiators focus on emotional reassurance, not just information
  • How understanding what people are feeling is often more powerful than proving your expertise

Negotiating a Property Purchase?

Whether you’re dealing with agents, auctions, or high-pressure negotiations, having the right strategy (and the right communication!) can make all the difference.

Our Buyer’s Agents at Empower Wealth have years of experience helping clients navigate negotiations with confidence, using a proven framework designed to reduce uncertainty throughout the buying process.

They don’t just negotiate with expertise to help you secure the right outcome… they also understand (just like Chris) that clear and consistent communication is what keeps everyone informed, confident, and on the same page.

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If You Enjoyed High-Stakes Negotiation Tips from the FBI, You Might Also Like:

Transcript

Bryce Holdaway
Can you help us set the scene today, Chris? The story we heard you share at the conference involved kidnappings in Haiti, and you used it as a backdrop for helping real estate agents keep their clients informed. Can you tell us your favourite story — the one that gives audiences a real sense of how high the stakes were, and how critical it was to get the negotiations right?

Chris Voss
It very much follows the same theme. As soon as you introduce predictability into any process, people become far more comfortable. People throw out deadlines because they have no feel for the process. But once they start recognising the markers along the way, everything shifts.

One of the things I talked about at that conference is that it doesn’t matter what side of a transaction you’re on — I learned to call people regularly and tell them what was going on. And if nothing was going on, I’d call them to say exactly that. People find that tremendously reassuring. What they really want to know, first and foremost, is when they’re going to hear from you — not necessarily what you’re going to say, but simply that they can set their watch knowing the phone is going to ring when you said it would.

This came into sharp focus in Manila. My team and I were not doing a great job with the families of kidnapping victims. There was a State Department guy named Ted — this really gregarious, larger-than-life personality — who eventually called me and said, “You guys are screwing this up. The families don’t like you, and they love me. I want to tell you what you’re doing wrong: you’re leaving them in the dark. They don’t know when you’re going to call. I tell them they’ll hear from me every day and a half, and when I call with nothing new, I say exactly that.”

And that’s the thing — calling to say there’s no news feels stupid to the caller. Your brain tells you they’ll think you’re lazy or not doing your job. But in reality, the people on the other end are deeply grateful for it. They just want to know they’re going to hear from you.

Here’s how powerful this is: I’m a big fan of Andrew Huberman’s podcast, and he referenced a study where participants were going to receive an electric shock. One group knew they’d be shocked every single time. The other group was told they’d only be shocked half the time. And people actually preferred knowing they’d be shocked every time — because it removed the uncertainty. The group who only faced a fifty percent chance of being shocked reported a far more distressing experience. The logic seems insane: cut the pain in half and you make it worse — but that’s the effect of uncertainty.

So finding a way to build certainty into your interactions is a genuine competitive advantage. The vast majority of my competitors have no idea, and I want to keep it that way.

Ben Kingsley
You talk about certainty — so put us in this scenario. You’re a parent, and you’ve just been told your child has been kidnapped in another country. You’re working with law enforcement. How much of the playbook do you actually share with those parents?

Because making contact is one thing, but giving them some sense of how this is going to unfold — do you start with that from day one? From a property perspective, that’s the classic anxiety, right? You don’t know how many other buyers are in the mix, so you’re trying to get information from the selling agent to understand where you stand. So how much do you release to give them some genuine comfort?

Chris Voss
To get them engaged in the process, they didn’t need to know how the watch was made — they just needed to know what time it is. And I know what they’re feeling, so rather than walking them through a step-by-step process, I’d outline the dynamics — the other side’s situation, and how that was likely to shape their decision-making. That’s not laying out a process. What it’s doing is removing uncertainty about what they’re actually facing.

People want to know that you understand the landscape. And if you clearly understand the landscape, two things tend to follow: first, that you have a plan; and second, that you’re prepared for when the plan hits obstacles. Because everyone knows — there’s a famous phrase, usually attributed to a military general: no plan survives first contact with the battlefield. If you have a plan but can’t adapt when things go sideways, it’s better than nothing — but only just.

So when I walk in, I know the primary fears that are clouding my client’s thinking. I’d say: “Here’s what you’re feeling right now. I know you’re angry. I know you feel alone. I know you feel like your government has failed you.” And I’m saying this as a government representative trying to earn their cooperation. Does it make sense to acknowledge that directly? Emotionally, absolutely — and their reaction is almost always the same: Finally, someone walked through our door who’s going to tell us the truth. And once they believe that, they’re willing to listen.

Then I’d say: “Here’s what the other side is thinking about. Here’s what they’re weighing up. And if you do what I’m asking, here’s when this is most likely to be over.” Without detailing the process, I’m getting their buy-in that I know what I’m doing.

And the fastest way to earn that buy-in isn’t to list your credentials or how many times you’ve done this — because there’s ten years of experience, and then there’s one year of experience repeated ten times. You can have a lot of experience and still be the wrong person for the job.

What actually works is demonstrating that you know what they’re up against. The moment you lay that out clearly, everything changes.